this shit is epic

I have kept my word and finally visited a "human" from my lj f-list. Of course, it had to be 

ghostofgod

bobotobobo

gutterviktim

gutterviktim

rubadublovetub

bobotobobo

jk he has a very clean bathroom though

After like 3 days though I had to go to my uncle's house which at first I thought would be lame but it turned out okay. Since I usually eat like a hog and "ran out of money", I nearly starved to death in Austin (even though Andrew paid for my food, ~forever in yr debt nigga~). I felt like I lost about 10 lbs but then gained 20 more at my uncle's house. I was very well-fed there. Other than that, I watched the Bratz movie 34839 times, projectile vomited red wine, and my arms got darker and my legs stayed white.

I would say it was an okay trip overall but since I am always unorganized, lame things can be expected to happen.

The airportz people fucked up my flight home though so they were just like ~lol oops we fucked up here's a free round trip ticket to go anywhere you want that expires in a year~

WHO'S NEXT

also my internetz got cancelled and i won't have it back til tommorrow or tuesday or later and you need 2 call me..... 6787899301 specifically if your name is ~julietta queenie lopesciolo~

It's December and I am able to walk around outside with an undersized short sleeved shirt, cropped pants, and no socks. lol, bipolar GA weather. btw there are like a million wiggers/latino gangstas trying to add me on myspace. HALP

k, so the plagiarism thing is cleared up and my teacher realized I didn't do it......but I ended up getting a 66 on the paper which is a failing grade. lol it's not so bad because I kind of expected it. The comments she left on my paper were exactly how I guessed they would be. It's always the same everywhere all the time. "this is very interesting your writing is good but there's not enough organization and you didn't neccessarily tell me what it all MEANS you barely did any research etc." Well yeah, I did wait until the day it was due until I actually started on it and didn't finish until she gave me an extension and even then, I barely worked on it. I'm not too bummed about it but the incident is somewhat representative of a bunch of other shit that's been bugging me, relating to school and ~real lyfe~ in general. Often, I feel like I'm good at something and I am but the problem is I'm not capable of the organization and structure that the ~establishment~ requires of me. Which sucks because I want to do well in "regular people" shit as in getting a respectable job, learning to drive well, paying bills, having casual detached relationships with people BUT I can't because I'm TOO FUCKING MUCH and ~the man can't tame me~. It's weird because I'm such a passive, quiet person with a generally polite demeanor but I get a lot of flack for being rude and sometimes overfriendly/overstepping "boundaries" in terms of what I'm allowed to say. Sure, I can be some type of crazy unstructured raving lunatic with some sort of intelligent things to say but I want a normal life too. It's mostly lame because all of the "skills" and "intelligence" I'm equipped with can't purchase what I truly want, which is to be able to walk the straight and narrow without being some regular ugly bitch automaton i.e. being able to control my mental facilities. I have writing but I'm not so great at that. Life experience really is neccessary if you want to write well because I think I have something awesome but then I run into trouble because I don't know the names of car parts. If there's anything that watching that awful Basquiat movie taught me, it's that whatever you produce is the sum of everything you are, no matter how detached you want to be from it as in "this isn't catharsis i'm trying to complete a linear objective here." so um yeah that's prty gay

I think a lot of people like me, people who are considered "characters," aren't truly crazy or schizoid or anything like that. A lot of us simply understand the futility of asserting the "truth" about who we actually are because no matter how close you get to another person, you'll never really understand their heart. I do rely on hyperbole and self-dramatization a lot, sure because I'm a bit narcissistic just like everyone else is but also because I feel like there's so much to me that whenever anyone learns or realizes something about me, it's simply a slivered one-dimensional anecdote that can be made to mean wild and strange things depending on the perspective of a certain person and what they want to bend it to mean. So why not manipulate? Everything, even the most outwardly solid, is simply an idea. The only problem is that the more outragerous and exaggerated you appear to be as a human being, the more you distance yourself emotionally from the masses, who generally prefer to be as honest as they understand honest to be. Many of them are so fervidly obsessed by "realness" and whether someone is being "fake" to them but it doesn't make a difference to me. No one owes it to anyone else to tell them the entire truth all the time unless he/she loves that person. Honesty is only important if its meaning is understood properly and since I bend and wield every sensation or thought, nothing really matters to me. Idealistically, I can just say that lying is my way of sublimating feelings that are too dangerous or likely to be misunderstood because they could not possibly exist in their most pure and raw form. I know that everything I do, from staying silent when I shouldn't or coming off as cold, is simply something that I probably, subconsiously, understand will ensure survival in some form or another. I know that most people don't want to deal with depressives or people with odd habits and would rather ridicule and write us off and that's fine because 90% of the time, I have no desire to even bother. But being a recluse blurs a lot of shit and I just need to confirm that "mentally stable" people actually exist. I want to know, like really know, that there's more to the world than just people like me and that everyone is complex and not just some unimportant dumbass but most of the time I just get shut out and have to keep using my imagination.

Yeah, I do wear a fuckload of make-up and say weird shit, sometimes completely disregarding my dignity and privacy in order to secure the completion of a good joke or an occurence to further establish the character I created. Who cares? I can sleep well knowing that all of the "serious" or "personal" information that people possess, to swap or pass around like they do with themselves, have been molded to resemble a fucking caricature that I created just for entertainment purposes. I do get a bit of satisfaction from leaving people with exaggerated or inexplicable pieces. Having a mystique is nice, a personal one. Obscuring everything, even insigificant happenings, is just so liberating because the only things you can stir in others are speculative. but w/e maybe it's just because I'm so MYSTERIOUS and that leaves people with the promise that I'll turn out to be an endless matrix of CREEPY AND WEIRD and they'll realize all of this when I explode one day in an epic incident of unparelleled glory. i guess